Blog Serius: Serius FOA - How Malaysia Can Help in Gaza

Tuesday 7 August 2012

Serius FOA - How Malaysia Can Help in Gaza

Let’s help them with some uniquely Malaysian solution!

Banyak orang sudah memberi bantuan kemanusian kepada warga Gaza. Tapi lets be honest here ladies and gents. Those bundles of gauze and anti bacterial swab are useless when you have phosphorous shell burning your ass. The gauze might even catch fire thus increasing your odds of dying a fiery death. The alcohol anti-bac swab will just fuel the phosphorous even more. So why don’t Malaysia send something unique for the cause. Give the Gazan something that is uniquely Malaysian and will make a difference in this “war”

As a child growing up my kampong, I often heard of mystical tales about my ancestors. There were tales of three legged tiger prowling my grandpa's lawn when no one is at home. There are also stories of holy man going to Mecca riding a banana leaf. As the story goes this holy wan wanted to go to Mecca but can't afford the ticket for the trip. So he sat on a banana leaf and prayed. Lo and behold he found himself in Mecca and was able to perform his hajj that year. In all the variations of this "banana leaf" story, I never heard anyone told me how he got back to Malaysia. My best guess is he probably rode on a palm tree of something like that. I also heard numerous tales on how silat masters and their disciple became invincible during the racial riots. In one comics strip that I read in Fantasia (a magazine produced by creative enterprise.. the makers of Gila-Gila), these warriors but two didn’t suffer any injury even when they were ambushed by samurai sword wielding mob. The two that was injured died because they ate some durian before the battle. Apparently you cannot eat durian or your armour rating will decrease by -89.

So that got me thinking. Why don’t we send our supernatural shit to Gaza. They probably have enough gauzes by now. Let's give them something that could be used to fight back! Here are some of the things we could send to help them fight!

TOYOLS

Quit stealing from the villagers you greedy little bastards! Why don’t you use your stealth stealing skills to steal vital intelligence information from the enemy. Maybe we can use the Toyol to find confidential documents on the weak spots of the Markava tank and gaps in their defensive lines. Better still lets create a battalion of Toyols and order them to raid the Israeli’s weapon and fuel depot. This would stop them from shelling the Gazan overnight. The weapons would then be used against them. Let’s see how they like to have some phosphorous shell for breakfast! Can you take the heat? I heard that Bagels taste nice with some lead and rubber bullets in them. Makes them chewier!

SANTAU

So they like shooting from 30 000 feet don’t they. Love looking through an LCD sight and dropping missiles from afar don’t you! Well let’s get fucking even. We Malays also have our own tried and tested long distance killing system. Santau is the Malay equivalent of a surgical strike weapon. You can target specific member of the Israel Defence Force generals. Without a leader an army will be useless and would soon collapse. While we are at it why don’t we Santau the entire Knesset for the LULZ! It will make brilliant TV to see all the member of the Knesset start puking blood, hair, glass shards and rusted nails on CNN. They will start wondering what “biological weapons” did the Hamas used to kill them all!

PENANGGALS

The birth rate in Israel is patheticly low. The Palestinian mothers produce more babies per year than your average Israeli mother. But the Palestinian mother are also more likely yo lose their children than an Israeli mother. It's understandable that the Arabs make sure they make enough babies just in case some of them “accidentally” walked into the path of a stray bullet or missiles. The birth rate is so low that they have to import Jews from all over the world to make sure the Israel state will be sustainable. Let’s use the Penanggals to suck the life out of Israelis mothers. HAHAHAH. Imagine sending 1000 Penanggals per night and causing mass stillborns in Israel. It will also make for some interesting video footage. remember when the war in Iraq started we saw anti aircraft tracers illuminating the sky? When the penanggal fly in to look for their victim, their blinking bellies will look like flying globules of light. First they will be AWED by the beautiful flying lights before being SHOCKED to see flying heads in their maternal wards! SHOCK AND AWE MOTHERFUCKERS!

Last but not least. Our secret weapon!

MINYAK PENGASIH/DAGU

This is the most important aid we can give to the Gazans and Israelis. These two sons of Abraham have been fighting for eons. They hate each other so much that the chance of peace is close to none. Lets drown the hate and replace it with love. Launch a massive minyak pengasih/dagu aerial bombardment all over Palestine and Israel. They will immidietly stop hating each other. With their new found love there is no reason for them to be on high alert anymore. Maybe they will even learn to share the holy sites for once. You know what? forget about all the stuffs that I wrote earlier. We must now mass produce minyak pengasih and send them in Gallon jars (balang orang balik Haji bawak air zam zam!) to the Middle East as soon as possible. Why use it only on janda anak 5 when world peace is the more pertinent matter! Stop the hate. Love each other! When we learn to love hate won’t be an issue. Peace in Palestine and Israel. Solidarity and coexistence is the way to go. I implore Dato' Seri Abdullah Badawi to launch Kempen Mintak Pengasih Kebangsaan now. We will be THE nation that saved the world from the faggotry that is the Palestinian-Israeli conflict!

AMEN to that!

NOTE: Thanks for SYZWN for the bringing out Israel during YM. LOL

p/s :The ignorance of everyday people killed my son.

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